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grownandconfused's Blog


100 dollar sucker

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did i just say i would suck a dick?!!!!!!!!!!!!

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There is a cure!!!!

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IMPOTENCE....not to shure bout that

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Missy gone bye bye.

well i know my blog is mostly about me bitchin about shit i cant do shit about but i got a friend request from Missy the girl i wrote about in my last blog that im in love with that works with me and i was so happy because i thought for on second i was on her pretty little mind, but two days later she gets in a relationship and im not gonna lie it kinda broke my heart cause this type of situation always happens i see the girl i would just love to be with going out with some one else when i know deep down in my heart i could make her feel so good physically and mentally i see her and see the most sweet kind sexy cute woman. i know i know im married so its not this could never happen nothing could ever come of this but just to know that she liked me or wanted to be with me or was attracted to me would just make me feel soooooooooooo good .But the worst part is she is so sweet and old school she would never evvvvver fuck with a married nigga like me witch makes me want her more. I feel like such a bad person constantly wanting what i cant have or woudnt no how to get in the first place. i felt so depressed it really took me out my zone and once again makes me feel so grown and confused

the new girl

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impotence

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my fantasy my reality my problem

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dead end fantasies

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jenny has brought me deamons

so im sitting here sad for what i admit is a silly reason i was looking on face book at this girls profile lets just call her jenny. i work with jenny kinda sorta and i think she is so beautiful but i look and her pics and find out shes fucking some loser dumbass. i think i am not ugly im thoughtful im funny easy going but there is one thing ive struggled with for as long as i can remember and that is confidence/swag ive got no swag at all id like to think that it was just some made up thing made up by rappers but the shit really does exist. i hate the fact sometimes that i never put myself out there when i was younger and tried to get more women. i always thought it was cuz i dint have a car or i wasnt making enough money or i didnt have the right clothes always thinking it was something on the outside but i never really worked on the inside. i guess looking at her pictures really brought that demon back out of me he surfaces from time to time when i see my friends hanging out and having fun with beautiful women and those same friends are just like me so why wouldnt they want to be with me. why cant i just get a beautiful girsl to like me to think im funny or interesting. i always regret never getting out there i love my wife but im at a weird point in my life where i wish i cud be single and at least try to recapture a dream differed. i feel so bad for having these feelings. i carry them around and have no one to tell cuz everyone would say the obvious either you shudna got married or you cant break up your fam, and i dig that but i think for me to finally gain the confidence i need i need  to talk to women. i get such a rush from over coming that fear. my fantasy is to just be surrounded by beautiful women. not to necessarily have sex with them but for them to just hang out with me not judge me and just converse without me holding up 90 percent of it. jenny is so beautiful and i would love to take her out and show her what she is missing i see her everyday but she has no idea, and im married with zero confidence not all the rims and the clothes in the world could make up for how truly deep my lack of confidence cuts or would make up for. i shud be happy with what i got cuz if it was taken from me i would simply die but i feel like im dying inside cuz i never tried and now its to late i wish i had a guarantee on another life when i die so i cud do this over again i am so grown and cofused so horny and pent up im am so pathetic.

late night tip

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a fantasy..............almost.

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i find myself watching

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i still find myself

i still find myself randomly looking at women a saying i would cheat on my wife for her i know it sounds horrible but thats the first thing i think. a friend of mine well we had a conversation hes like 20 and he so mature and in love and he says if you cheat on ya girl youre not a man and to that i say of course, and it hurt cuz hes so far ahead he has the mentality i wish i had it would help me from keeping my eyes from wandering. i was reading an article in some book about this guy it was called confessions of a cheater and basically he said if you haven't cheated its only cuz the opportunity has not presented its self and to that i say i agree. i believe i would with the right woman of course i feel like an idiot but im not actively perusing to cheat cuz it really seems like nobody wants me at all anyways never get a second look never he any rumors of some bitch liking ya boy or nothing. so i feel like im safe cuz of my circumstances but you know its when i least expect it. i got so many sexual fantasies and i just seems like everyone telling me theres and its always some shit i always wanted to experience. i feel like i only have one life to live i want to experience it too. i guess i dont have that certain something. or i guess its just obvious that i am grown and confused.

relization

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and then

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in the begining cont.

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in the begining

as a kid i was so in love with be in love and wanted relationships so bad but no one was taking relationships in the 3rd grade but i was lookin for an soul mate i guess cuz a age 5 my parents divorced and i pretty sure that's why i craved relationships as a kid a never had that much confidence and people especially girls cud see right thru me i wasn't ugly or anything just had so many issues my brother on the other hand was blessed with good looks and confidence
 he cud just walk into a room and whatever girl i wanted was on his jock for instance a a school dance my brother came to get me cuz my dad sent him in to get me i was already crying cuz my ex girl was grinding up on a dude i hated and didnt understand why she didnt see he was an ass as i look back i look at the situation and just think how pathetic it looked but that was my life always seeing the girl i wanted go to the ass or the handsome or strong man i just dint have it
i wish i cud get a girl just on site what is that like my dad never taught me how to talk to women and my mom always just wanted me to be a gentlemen but bitches dont want a gentlemen especially at that age dont get me wrong i did have girlfriends but i had to work hard to get them and they would always end up ending sadly but thats to be expected but it was just so hard for me to let go and they cud just move on so quick and it hurt so bad to see that cuz it just made me fell like a disposable boyfriend
i tried many times to get over my lack of confidence around women but i always just seem to come off so awkward when im around them even still to this day. i remember i guess one of the first times i tried to talk to a girl my brother and a childhood friend put me up to it. the girl was cute and i wanted to impress her but i........

Intro

I wanna fuck a white girl so bad and that just where my story begins my blog will be an ongoing story about how i got to this point! more to come hope you ready world!!

1-5 of 5 Blogs   

Previous Posts
100 dollar sucker, posted March 3rd, 2014
did i just say i would suck a ****?!!!!!!!!!!!!, posted April 13th, 2013
There is a cure!!!!, posted February 15th, 2013
IMPOTENCE....not to shure bout that, posted January 28th, 2013
Missy gone bye bye., posted January 15th, 2013
the new girl, posted November 19th, 2012
impotence, posted November 11th, 2012
my fantasy my reality my problem, posted October 28th, 2012
dead end fantasies, posted October 26th, 2012
jenny has brought me deamons, posted October 15th, 2012
late night tip, posted October 8th, 2012
a fantasy..............almost., posted September 12th, 2012
i find myself watching, posted June 9th, 2012
i still find myself, posted May 22nd, 2012
relization, posted February 27th, 2012
and then, posted February 23rd, 2012
in the begining cont., posted February 10th, 2012
in the begining, posted January 19th, 2012
Intro, posted January 6th, 2012

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